look at my earrings

Summertime

2007-08-21T15:42:00.000-07:00

Well, I am going to say the inevitable: Summertime is coming to an end. We will soon be in the month of September and back to work. As an educator, one would expect me to experience feelings of despair at this statement, but I am going to go ahead and not feel that. Instead I am going to opt for feelings of o.k.ness (don't right-click dictionary that one, it never has it). As fun and free summertime is I am ready to have a little routine back in my life. Before I sell out to this idea that routine is desirable I would like to take a moment to mentionwhat I have been able to do with all of my free time this summer.
-Take Jr. High girls to Jesus Camp
-See my family
-Go to a few baseball games
-Make dinner for my friends
-Go to the beach! ! !
-Get my house in order
-See my buddy Alison Garrett
-Turn 27
-Karaoke
-Go to San Diego to hang with my family
What I consistently did from the beginning of summer was spend time with Dave, he is my boyfriend and he is really fun and so on. He is. . .It is too hard for me to gush, I am not a gusher, so just trust me, he is my favorite. Our friend Kate has been trying to make this happen for a while and I must say her intuition was right on.

Just last night I spent some time with my old boss Otis (Young Life). He is so great and has known me for quite some time. It was exciting to tell him that I am seeing a really great guy. I quickly fill him in on our dating journey, slipping in the part that I really struggled to call him my boyfriend. He commented that he wasn't suprised. I laughed, only because I was uncomfortable. That is what I do, I laugh when i am uncomfortable. I also skirt commitment. I am pretty sure this stems from a little bit of perfectionism. Not because I am a perfectionist, but that I am afraid of messing up (I prefer for things to work out "perfectly"). It takes a lot more for me to go for things because if I see a glimpse of potential failure, I "lose interest". I probably don't look like a perfectionist because I never put myself in a situation where I will do anything too far from right. I am sure it could be a road to a very uninteresting life. Thankfully God has put things in my life I have to commit to not knowing what could come of them.
All this to say, this summer has been fantastic and I am grateful I had this time to do stuff ("that's not stuff Meredith"). It will be nice to slip back into the 'ol routine in a few days.

9 months!

2007-08-01T11:35:00.000-07:00

I had a baby!
No, not really but it has been nine months since I last posted. That is long enough to brew a baby in my stomach. This brings up a good point, babies don't grow in the stomach which is a common misconception among most children. Babies grow in the womb. What is the womb, you ask? The womb is the uterus. So there you go. . .Also the birth canal is the passage from the uterus to the vagina. So now that we are all caught up on babies, let us move on. Move on to what? I don't know. Oh, I know, what I have been doing for these nine months. The reason I haven't been blogging. I had a full time job for a while. I taught high school kids with special needs. It was really fun! REALLY fun. There where some low-lights, but for the most part I was into it. I think it is fair to say that most of my time and thought has been consumed by my band BODIES OF WATER (in stores now!) We have been, playing, practicing, releasing, shooting, and hanging. I can't really get too far into it or else four days later I will have just scratched the surface and will spend another 3 days trying to wrap things up. That is a problem of mine with writing. I start writing and realize that it is going to take pages and pages to communicate what it is I am try to communicate, then I get overwhelmed, then I go for the easy out and end up looking skitzy.

T.G.I.F

2006-11-04T10:08:00.000-08:00

Really. It is Saturday, but I was thinking T.G.I.F all day yesterday, and really T.G.I.F shouldn't be restricted to just Friday because it is a state of being that should be available to be used across the board. But for this week it was literally Thank Goodness It's Friday. I started a new job last week teaching Special Education at the High School. This is beautiful news because it is what I am going to school for and most people have to wait to finish their credential before getting paid the big bucks, but I am going to be able to make money and go to school. I am really enjoying it so far. It is mildly overwhelming (I don't know how to explain mild overwhelming) but I think I am going to manage.
I was what one might call a lover of high school. I have been told that my enjoyment of high school could reflect poorly on me because majority of people found high school to be a low point in life, therefore I am a bad person for having the opposite experience. That is neither here nor there.
What I am getting at with this whole idea of T.G.I.F. is that yesterday I had a rush of familiar feelings that I knew all to well when I was in elementary all the way through high school. That feeling when you wake up on a Friday and can't help but feel excited that at the end of the day you get this tremendous gift we call "the weekend" or as I like to refer to it as the "freekin' weekin'". Being back in the school environment (day in day out, same class room) brings a new/old appreciation for Fridays and the weekend. I remember as a kid, all week waiting for Friday. Why didn't we anticipate Saturday? Granted it is the full day of the weekend the real pay off for the weekend is when the bell rings or you punch your time card to leave on Friday. What if your weekend falls on a Tues./Wed. then T.G.I.F. on Monday when you check out. Once again T.G.I.F. shouldn't be restricted but the idea of changing it to T.G.I.M or T.G.I.T displaces the nostalgic feelings that made Fridays our favorite day of the week growing up.

Consistency

2006-10-08T11:12:00.000-07:00

Consistency isn't always a strong point for me. Journaling, flossing, reading the Holy Book, even exercise. This fall I decided to, through the influence of my friend Jo, to take a stab at a sprint triathlon. A sprint is a half mile swim, 12 mile bike and 3 mile run. Anyway we trained, participated in the race and immediately decided to make a trip to my home land (Phoenix) and do another one with my brothers. So the training continued. We did some four mile runs with Zoey (a dog) and some bike rides (we are total biker chicks). Needless to say I did the race in AZ, had a blast, loved every second and haven't done ANYTHING since, not so much as to do a couple crunches. Why is this? I am capable, it is good for me, I enjoy it but I can't manage to keep it up. I can't figure out why some things stick while others are a constant struggle to keep afloat. There are some things that I do manage to do on a regular basis like overcommiting myself, miss my friends that live 5 minutes away that I feel like I never see, and pick at my blemishes. These things are not good for me, that I enjoy and yet they come so easy. Isn't it weird. I guess this is the goodness of life to be aware and to constantly push for consistency in the right stuff. What is good and right isn't always easy, but we know God isn't going to send us out on our own to fail, but He is going to walk with us and help us every step of the way. I don't think it will ever be easy to be consistent in things that don't come naturally, but walking with Jesus and trying to keep up is a beautiful place to be.

Appearently

2006-05-07T13:03:00.000-07:00

I found this blog that I never posted in the spring. I think it is funny, so here it is a couple months later. My opinions haven't changed:

I am going to blog like I workout.

Spring has sprung and finally I am mildly participating in the activities. Anything serious, no. Fun, yes. I will tell you something, if a dude has confidence and a sense of humor, he can pull any chick he wants. I am using the terms "dude" and "chick" because the formula works for them, not necessarily "ladies" and "gents", but I think we all need to be dudes and chicks at one point or another.

I Love Rain

2006-01-02T09:45:00.000-08:00

I love it, I really do. Maybe I will marry it. I woke up this morning at 8:30 and laid in bed for an hour saying to myself, "this is so cool, I love this, rain is the best, I love the sound, this is so cool, this is really cool." Then at 9:30 I relocated to my couch and proceeded to talk to myself in the same manner for another half hour or so. I love cold, I love wind, I love stormy, I love rain. Ironically (or not, depending on how you look at it) I grew up in Arizona and moved to Sunny Southern California. Weather stirs my spirit in a sweet way. It reminds me how big God is, he created and controls it all. Then there is that whole cleansing analogy, but in the same moment I can't help but think that He knows how much I like rain. So today is good.

Saving myself for marriage

2005-12-13T22:23:00.000-08:00

Noble. Respectful. Good. God's heart. These are some reasons why I am saving myself for marriage. I think it is wonderful, but sometimes I wonder, have I taken it too far. "Jess, what DO you mean?" I will tell you, hold on, and whether it relates to me saving myself for marriage or not, it is not clear, but is seemed like a great segway into what I am about to say.
I can't make eye-contact with men. If I know you and know that there is no way anything will ever happen between us (which is most any guy I know) I could win a staring contest, but if I don't know you or haven't had the chance to smother you in friendliness I avoid eye-contact. I don't have to think he is cute or vise versa, just being in the same 20 year age bracket 20-40 years old intimidates me. Unfortunately I think it stems from low self-esteem about my attraction level. I think I am a wonderful person, beautiful and everything, but I feel like I have little to no ability to attract the opposite sex upon first glance. I am avoiding rejection really. My thought is, if I make eye-contact they might think I am interested in them and having such low views of my attraction level I don't want them to have the opportunity to say, "Um, no thanks". Like that is really what eye-contact communicates. . .I know, it is ridiculous, but I have noticed it a lot in the past week or two. Tomorrow I am going to make it a point to stare down 2 or 3 single men I don't know. This is going to be awkward.

ahhh (sigh not yell)

2005-12-11T21:19:00.000-08:00

Well, time flies these days. You don't even have to be having fun. I have had some fun, but I have also had sadness. The holiday season. . .as much as I wait for it all year long, it gets here and I feel like I am trying to pick up a greased pig. I want to cherish every moment and put it in my brain so that I can return to it when life is down in the dumps, but instead it is messy and fast.
Thanksgiving was delightful, going home is a real paradise to me. Unfortunately I fell fast from cloud nine when, before I had even reached the freeway for my journey back to L.A., I found out my Uncle Freddy had passed away (my Aunt Hilda's husband). Not but two days later the news that my Aunt Penny had died reached me as I was rushing to go to school. I am okay with death, as okay as anyone can be, I guess, but. . .it is sad. I am going to miss my Aunt a lot. She was my buddy. Christmas for my family this year is going to be heavy.
I know dealing with loss is a process, and for that I am thankful, because as I am finding out about my Uncle and Aunt I am packing for a trip to New York to see my Best Friend Ali G.
* I had morbid thoughts as I got on the plane to fly out, thinking, "It would be so ironic that this plane would crash knowing all the loss my family was dealing with at the time".*
With my families blessings I flew to N.Y. knowing I was going to miss my Aunt Penny's funeral, (we decided she would have wanted me to go to N.Y.). Time there was so sweet. Alison is really a remarkable friend in the sense that I could not be more comfortable with a person as I am with her. She is like a sister, really. We went to a super fancy club that is like every other super fancy club, by super fancy I mean totally LAME. I saw it snow in New York just like Law and Order. My dad treated us to a nice dinner at Tao. Lame clubs, snow, dinners, they are all best with a great friend. I think I would have ended up there if Al had moved there straight out of college, but that makes me sad to think of because then I wouldn't have become friends with all my friends I have made since college, and they are good.
When I got back from N.Y. I hit the ground running. The band had a show the day after I landed, cheer, work, musical tryouts, and parties will fill my days until I go home to Phoenix on the 20th. It is then that I plan to return to my original plan of soaking up the holidays' good vibe and store it in my brain. Oh and tomorrow I will start exercising.

running with scissors

2005-12-11T21:17:00.000-08:00

The book was no good. That is my opinion after finishing it. Notice I didn't even capitalize the title, It wasn't worth the effort of extending my pinky finger to the shift key. Read something else.

Books

2005-11-18T15:44:00.000-08:00

I just recently finish a really great book, The Devil in White City. It was about the World's Fair, The Columbian exhibition of 1893. It is non-fiction and fun. I really loved it. But like when all good things start to come to an end, I get so bummed. When I was finishing the last HP I found myself wanting to "save" the last few chapters, because when it was done, I couldn't just go and check out book 7. Those feelings popped up in this last book too. So when I finish I was fearful of starting a new book and it being no good. Sometimes I luck out a read 4 enjoyable books in a row, but then there are times like today.
I decided to read Running with Scissors. I remember this book being popular a while ago (a year or two) and the book was compared to two authors I enjoy, Dave Eggers and David Sedaris, so I am thinking. . .this book will be at least fine. Not fine.
*Disclaimer* I am only half way finished.
Maybe I am not hip enough to appreciate a young gay boy who gets sexually messed by a man more that twice his age, mistaking it for love. It seems so clear in the book that this older man is selfish and perverse. I am reading this boys memories and my heart is sinking lower and lower. And this is the girl who rents Law and Order: SVU on netflix. Of course I will finish it, it is a quick read, but when it is done I will be bummed out for this kid for a few days, like I know him or something. And then the search continues for a redemptive book that will restore my love for reading all over again. Are looking for books like looking for love?

Get it all out.

2005-11-17T17:48:00.000-08:00

So, I am starting a real blog. I am not going to make it a big joke to pretend that I don't care or to dodge the chance that someone might think I am a bad writer. You know what I am talking about, I think we all do it. If we think we aren't good at something we will completely butcher it to avoid critisim because it was a big joke anyway, right. . .you know. I have so many friends that are good writers or have convinced me they are good writers and I can't go around living in fear of writing a sentence in front of them, they would think that was ridiculous. Because it is ridiculous. So that is that.
I have no idea what this blog will consist of mostly because of the other insecurity that I have nothing interesting to say. Like my life is sad and boring or something. I know it isn't, but when I start to write about it, that fear grips its pimplely hand around my milky smooth neck and chokes me to smithereens. See, already. . .the adjectives I have chosen to use. I think are hilarious, but I run the risk of something thinking that I think that I am brilliant. See what I mean. This should be an adventure.